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Sequoia Family Therapy

Couples Therapy

Communication Difficulties

Most couples who say they have a communication problem communicate just fine at work and with friends. The trouble shows up with each other, usually when something important is at stake. A small comment turns into a big fight, or one of you goes quiet while the other gets louder.

Communication tips help for a while, but they tend to fall apart in the heat of the moment. That’s because the breakdown usually isn’t about technique. It’s about what each of you feels when the conversation starts to go wrong.

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What it can look like

  • Small disagreements escalate fast
  • One of you pushes to talk, the other shuts down or leaves the room
  • You argue about how you argued
  • Important topics like money, family, chores, or parenting get avoided
  • You feel misunderstood even when you explain yourself carefully
  • Apologies don’t seem to land

How we work on it

Emotionally Focused Therapy looks at the exact point where a conversation breaks down. We replay recent arguments slowly and notice what happens just before things go sideways: a tone, a look, or a word that hits a sore spot.

Underneath the criticism or the silence there is usually something softer, like feeling dismissed, not good enough, or alone. When partners can say that part out loud, and hear it from each other, the conversation changes.

Over time you learn to catch the cycle early, name it together, and reach for each other instead of against each other.

Approaches we use

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

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Wondering if this fits what you’re going through?

A free 15-minute consultation is a good place to ask. We’ll talk about what’s going on and whether we’re a good fit.

Book your free 15-min consultation