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Sequoia Family Therapy

Couples Therapy

Affair Recovery

Finding out about an affair can knock the ground out from under a relationship. The hurt partner often swings between anger, grief, and a need to know every detail. The partner who had the affair may feel shame, get defensive, or want to move on quickly. Both reactions make sense, and both can keep a couple stuck.

Recovery starts by taking the hurt seriously. The partner who was betrayed needs their pain fully acknowledged, and the partner who had the affair needs to take real responsibility. From there, we work to understand what happened and what it meant, so you can decide whether, and how, to rebuild trust.

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What it can look like

  • Conversations about the affair turn into the same painful argument
  • Reminders, like a phone buzzing or a late meeting, set off hours of distress
  • The hurt partner keeps asking questions, and the answers never settle anything
  • The partner who strayed feels they will be punished forever
  • You both want to stay but don’t know where to start
  • You’re unsure whether to stay and want help deciding

How we work on it

We use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) together with the Attachment Injury Resolution Model (AIRM), an EFT process built for moments when one partner felt abandoned or betrayed when they needed the other most.

First we slow down the cycle the affair has set off between you, so sessions don’t become a replay of the fights at home. Then the hurt partner has room to express the pain in a way their partner can take in, and the involved partner learns to stay present and respond with real accountability instead of defending or shutting down.

The goal is a repair you can both feel: the injury is acknowledged, the reasons behind it are understood, and trust starts to rebuild through new experiences with each other.

Approaches we use

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
  • Attachment Injury Resolution Model (AIRM)

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Wondering if this fits what you’re going through?

A free 15-minute consultation is a good place to ask. We’ll talk about what’s going on and whether we’re a good fit.

Book your free 15-min consultation